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Dear Jean: Hi, It is not unusual for teens to want more emotional space from parents than they did when they were younger. I suspect your only 'crime' against your daughter is wanting more contact with her than she's comfortable in letting you have. You're probably trying too hard to maintain the emotional relationship with her, at a time when she's biologically and psychologically pre-disposed to want some distance from you. Just when they're able to think rationally and seem more mature and fun to be with, they don't want to be with you! Please try not to blame yourself or your daughter. She is not wrong or bad for not wanting to share her life with you the way she used to. She is trying to establish an independent life of her own, in preparation for leaving you in a few short years. This is often painful for parents, and it is sometimes painful for the teen, too, although the teens are not so aware of the pain and turn it into anger at the parent. The phenomenon is so common that someone has written a book about mother-daughter relationships during adolescence, called "I'm not mad, I just hate you!" You might want to take a look at it (click on the underlined title to go to the Amazon.com review page for this book). Hope this helps; hang in; she'll come out of it in about eight years! Jean. Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's
response to your question is |
self on me and I don't know how to get her in to talking. She
refuses to talk to me and told me that she hates me. I don't
know what I have done that she feels this way. Please help.