Hello,

I'm 18 years old and I have a problem, a minor one. I get easily angry. I lack speech confidence at times, I'm doing bad in school. The other day I was in a group discussion and my stomach was growling, these 2 girls started talking about the growling of the stomach but applied it to themselves when obviously it was to me. I am originally from Africa, and I can't stand the way my culture behaves towards others. Should I consider them my friends? I speak better English than them and I look better than them, could they be jealous of me? I so badly want to belong somewhere, and I want to be stronger, and plus what can I do to completely conquer my public speaking nervousness? Please help me!!!!

Hi,
Thanks for writing to parentingadolescents.com.

You sound as if you are feeling very anxious and irritated with yourself and others. Sometimes this kind of agitated state, which includes anger, can indicate that you are experiencing a clinical depression. If things do not improve for you, in terms of how you are feeling about yourself and with others, it would be wise in my view to seek some kind of mental health consult, for example, to seek a counselor's attention at your school or college.

We all want to belong somewhere. At your age, the desire to belong is especially acute. But you are not the only one feeling that--your peers also want to belong and to some degree feel they do not. The first thing to address, as I read your status, is the general state of agitation, which makes it harder for you to relate to anyone successfully. Addressing this means talking with someone in person who can help you get a grip on the factors in your situation which make for this kind of internal state. If you feel that no one outside of your culture can understand you, you might want to seek a counselor from the same culture. (If you have difficulty finding resources, feel free to write to me for assistance.)

For instance, you could describe to a counselor, in person, what the public speaking fear is about: just speaking to others socially? or having to make a formal kind of speech, as in a debate class? If there is a real fear (phobia) connected with either of these situations or both, a counselor could help you work on that fear. I know of no instant cure, but fears like these can be worked on gradually and overcome or at least lessened.

Hope you find someone to talk to soon because it sounds as if you're carrying around a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

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