Dear Jean:

I'm 16 and this summer I met a boy (let's call him James). James and I started talking and we found out that we are really compatible and like each other a lot. The only problem is, James used to get in a lot of trouble with the law and he lost my family's trust. I really want to be with him and he really wants to be with me, but no one in my family can seem to forgive him even though he HAS changed. What should i do?

Jean responds:

Hi,
Thanks for writing to parentingadolescents.com.

If you met the boy "this summer," it seems to me you haven't had enough time to know if he's really changed or not--it's only July! Depending on what he was in trouble with the law for--how serious it was--your family may be persuaded to give him a chance to prove himself a changed person. The way that would happen, perhaps, is for your parents to be willing to allow him to do something with you in your own home, with them present--you could watch a movie or TV, play a game, or make yourselves something to eat, in plain view of your parents, and they might observe him and talk to him. In other words, they and you might be willing to get to know him more, then decide whether he is an acceptable friend. If his former trouble with the law was for something quite serious, it might not pay to take a chance on his changing.

Hope this helps a little.

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.