Dear Jean:
My boyfriend does not know who he wants to be! He also says he has an embarrassing problem that he does not want to tell me about. What could it be? please help.

Jean responds:

Hi,
Thanks for writing to parentingadolescents.com.

Friendship (not to mention love) requires patience and respect.

You don't tell me your age, but if you and your boyfriend are teens, then it's normal that he doesn't know who he wants to be. Adolescence is a time of exploring who you are, who you can become, who you want to be--there are no final answers during this period of growth, nor should there be.

Regarding his secret problem: if the two of you hang in long enough with each other, eventually he may feel safe enough to confide in you. Obviously whatever it is, it's a big deal to him, so don't push, even though you're dying to know. Also obviously, I hope: whatever his unspoken issue is, you need to evaluate the friendship by how he behaves with you right now, secret or no secret.

In the meantime, I hope you are keeping yourself safe, if sex is involved, and behaving in other ways with self respect in the relationship. A book that might be useful to you is, "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, A Book for Teens About Sex and Relationships."

Sometimes being a friend isn't easy, but in the long run it has its rewards.

Hope this helps a little.

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

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