Dear Jean:
I went out with my boyfriend for 7 months and we broke up out of nowhere. I cry myself to sleep every night because I love him very much. His best friend jokes with me saying he likes me still but why does he act so different around me now? He even told me he had no regrets. When we went out we had fun. But why is this so difficult for me? I cry for him and I never thought things would be this hard. What do i do?

Jean responds:

Hi,
The way I think of it, there's a certain amount of sadness that happens when two people break up, and they divide that sadness between them. Sometimes they each feel half of the hurt, but other times one person seems to feel all of it or at least more than their share. If you can at least hide your hurt, and refuse to feel ALL of the pain, your boyfriend may be able to take his part of the total amount of sadness.

Put a time limit on crying yourself to sleep--allow yourself to feel the sadness for a certain number of days, then make a commitment to STOP it. It might help if you keep a diary in which you can write down your feelings; having another outlet may help you manage them, without having to display your hurt in public. Boys tend to react badly to intense feelings in girls; they're just built differently from girls. He'll like you more and you'll like yourself more if you buck up, dry your tears, and put your energy into new friendships. When he sees that other people like you and that you can live without him, maybe he'll feel a little bit sad, too, about the good times he gave up!

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

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