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boyfriend troubles for
13
Dear Jean, I am having BOY troubles. I am 13 years old, in a week I well be 14 years old, going on 8th grade. My Boyfriend is 13. His name is P. We have been going out for at least 6 months (1 fight). Well, I think we went a little too far the last visit. There was no nudeness or making-out, but there was a lot of touching of the arms, legs, and stomach. Also little taps on the cheek and lips (my first little kiss at all). Afterwards I felt uncomfortable and went home. When I got home I didn't tell my mom everything until today. After she heard that I was responsible for myself, my mom was proud of my responsible decision. Now P is on his way to another State and keeps calling me. I just want him to leave me alone. Just until he gets back (a month). Please advise. Jean responds: Is the problem that P wants to call you while he's out of State? And if so, what about his calling you bothers you? I guess I'm thinking many girls would be upset if the boyfriend did NOT call after having been as intimate physically as you were. I am wondering, then, what the problem really is...and here are my thoughts, which may or may not be related to what's really going on. Feel free to write back if you want to correct me here. It sounds to me as if you felt guilty after the touching that you did with P. Your words come across to me, at least, as describing normal, innocent physical closeness/exploration which did not cross the line into sexual touching. But you say that you think the two of you "went a little too far," so I am thinking that, to you, the touching was perhaps arousing and that you had to wonder to yourself if maybe it was wrong because of that. If you're struggling with trying to figure out if you did something wrong, then maybe you're feeling like you need a break from having contact with P, and in that case, his calling you while he's gone could interrupt your need for some space to think about whether you want to be with him again in that way. I hope you can use my ideas to talk to someone you trust about your reactions to being with P in the way you describe--perhaps your mom, perhaps another older adult you trust. And as I said above, if I've got it all wrong, feel free to write back and set me straight. Hope these ideas are a little helpful. And,
P.S., you ought never to be giving your full name when you respond to
something online, even to a site that is as non-commercial and seemingly
safe as Parenting Adolescents. It is never a good idea to compromise your
safety online. Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's responses to questions are intended |
to be educational and informative.
they are not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy
with a mental health professional.