Dear Jean,

My name is __ , a male and I'm 13 from Singapore! I've a problem in class! Last time, one of my classmates, a boy named __, tried to kiss me! Luckily I can avoid him but I don't know what he will do to me again! I can't just simply kiss him because I hate him. I know God told us to love each other but this is ridiculous! Can you please help me?

Jean responds:

Hi,
Thanks for visiting parentingadolescents.com and for sending in a question.

I can understand your strong feelings about your classmate's kissing you. No one likes to be intruded on in this way--we all have a right to 'own' our bodies, and no one should be kissing, touching, or otherwise intruding on your personal space without your direct consent.

Besides, the fact that it was a boy who kissed you no doubt raised a strong feeling inside of you because in our society most people don't expect romantic affection from someone of the same sex, and when it does occur, the person chosen for the affection often feels like they must have done something to invite such contact. If you have any doubts about this, rest assured that this other boy's kissing you in no way implies,
(a) that you invited him to do it, or
(b) that you have similar feelings towards boys.

That this classmate chose to kiss someone of the same sex also does not mean anything terrible about him. He simply lost control of himself. He was wrong. He made a serious mistake, and it would be within your rights to ask for an apology. You may feel it is easier just to avoid him, and if so, that is your choice, but it would also be perfectly appropriate for you to tell him that you did not appreciate his invasion of your personal space, that you need him to apologize, and that you need it not ever to happen again.

It is fine to feel strong anger or hate toward this boy. It is not fine to hurt him. You can love him as a human being, but hate what he did--he intruded on your physical self, and that is wrong.

Finally, it is never wise to give your real name or anyone else's in an e-mail letter to someone you don't know, even when writing to a service such as this one.

Hope this is helpful....feel free to write back.
Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

top of page