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Dear Jean: Thank you, Jean responds: Hi, It sounds as if giving consequences for this kind of behavior isn't working at all. I think maybe your focus has instead to be on what's going on with him, what's making him so miserable. Because he IS--the lashing out is instead of being able to understand and articulate what's going on inside. I don't know, from the info given, if this is more likely to be something stemming from a disorder, such as an emotional disorder or ADHD, or from family dynamics. All would be worthy of exploration. If you and he can find out why he is acting like this, you'll be in a much better position to help him to stop. Just asking him what's wrong won't work--he doesn't know, can't say, or when he does, you don't know how to listen. So get professional help--find a counselor experienced with young adolescents who can sit with you, him, and the stepfather and talk things through. You'll have a much better idea, then, of which way you need to go. Get help for him now before things get much worse as he grows further into adolescence. Jean. Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's
response to your question is |
somewhat
of a temper but the last few months it has gotten worse. When
something doesn't go his way, he doesn't get what he wants, or
when someone playfully teases him, he totally loses it. Most
of the time it starts out with a fit like a 2 or 3 year old.
He will start crying, then it turns into hitting someone or something.
Sometimes he even throws things. His face will turn beet red
and he also yells at whomever he is mad at. Today he hit his
step-father for playfully teasing him. It is the worst when he
is tired. I really don't know what to do anymore. I have grounded
him, I have spanked him, and I have taken things away from him.
He also does these things when we make him do something he doesn't
want to do, like chores. He is extremely lazy right now, which
I know is a preteen thing. Anyway, can you please give me some
advice or make suggestions on how I can get better control of
this situation?