Judith P. Siegel, What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage, Harpercollins, Feb. 2000.

Dr. Siegel subtitles her book, "It may be your marriage, but it's your child's blueprint for intimacy." She covers how children learn from living with their parents' marriage and details seven significant lessons a good marriage can afford to children. Dr. Siegel also talks about divorce--and we are now learning that children from divorced families do not necessarily do less well than their counterparts from surviving marriages. Even divorced couples will teach their children important lessons about intimacy. Get Dr. Siegel's book here at a 30% discount, while benefiting this site.

The Marriage Sabbatical, the Journey that Brings You Home by Cheryl Jarvis. Perseus, 2000.

For the past two months, I've reviewed books in this space that have dealt with divorce (Wendy Swallow's "Breaking Apart" and Judith Wallerstein's "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce." Today, in honor of Mother's Day 2001, I'm writing about a very different book on the subject of marriage--Cheryl Jarvis' The Marriage Sabbatical.

Jarvis writes about the need to re-define marriage in order to make it last. It's kind of the reverse side of trying to make divorce harder...instead of making divorce harder, she asks, why not try to make marriage easier?

The book includes, of course, the story of Jarvis' own struggle with and ultimate victory in relation to her own need to have time to herself, time away from her husband and child. But the real "meat" of the book is, for me, in the last chapter, called "Reflections," in which the author suggests several ways in which marriage might be defined for the purpose of allowing more room in it for two people living together for the long term. On pp.288ff, she suggests alternate views to marriage as an institution could include marriage as: laboratory, as "an energy system, requiring individual solutions for individual landscapes," "as an artistic creation," "as a mutual personal-growth contract," "as a journey of the spirit."

Jarvis has been criticised for focusing only on women's need for sabbatical leave. But after all, she is a woman, and this is, first and foremost, the story of her own struggle. And, come on, it's Mother's Day. Since when haven't mothers had a more difficult time than fathers in justifying time away from their children?

A refreshing, honest, worthwhile, creative read -- I recommend it to every mother, no, to every person in a long-term committed relationship (or who is contemplating getting into one).

Get it at amazon.com at a 20% discount!