I have a 16-year-old daughter who is an extremely good writer of poetry. But the poems are usually about death or something negative. There is always a "them" or a "they" in the poems. Example: "Don't let them take you away."

Jean responds:

Hi,
Although you don't say so explicitly, I take it that you are a bit concerned about the content of your daughter's poems and that that's why you wrote to parentingadolescents.com.

Adolescents who are interested in writing often write about depressing and anxiety-provoking things. It doesn't necessarily mean they are unduly anxious or depressed. The negative tone may just reflect the reality of adolescent experience, which often includes dark moods and grave doubts about the meaning of one's life, as well as about the intentions of others.

The "they" and "them" may represent embodiments for your daughter of a global sense of being coerced by society and the adult world in general into being/becoming something she thinks she doesn't want to be. Adolescents are about exploring their identity, and they sense both the fear in themselves about where they are going and the fear and sometimes resistance among the adults in their world about where they are going.

I'd suggest you notice other things about your daughter's life and behavior: is she doing all right in school (i.e., passing her subjects?), does she have a friend or two, does she seem relatively "okay" with her life much of the time -- or, to put it in the negative, is she not morose about her life for long periods of time?

The trouble is, it's hard to tell when an adolescent is or is not clinically depressed because there's so much going on in there, and again, a lot of the negativity is completely normal--coming from a kind of "reject the messed up world of adults" place inside of them that is defensive against their struggle to become their own person and to separate from you.

If your daughter is doing okay in most aspects of her life, I wouldn't worry about the poetry by itself. (I am assuming, by the way, that she has shared it with you and not that you have "stolen" a look at it. I do not advise parental snooping.) As she shares her poetry with you, try asking her about how she feels--does she sometimes feel that "someone" is trying to "take her away"? Is she afraid, perhaps, that she won't get to be herself because it's in some way "not allowed" in this world?

Just listening to her talk about her life and her feelings is the best protection I know against her coming to harm and also the best guide to how worried, if at all, you should be about her. If you do decide you're worried, don't hesitate to talk to a mental health professional such as a psychologist or social worker or counselor about your daughter --there's nothing scary about it, and it may relieve your mind. You may also want to read our page About Getting Help, which gives some criteria for when to worry about a teen.

Hope this helps a little.

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

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