|
Dear Jean: Jean responds: Hi, Parents do not always appreciate the difference in the way teens experience time and the way the parents do. To a teen, a week can be an eternity, a month can be forever, a year is unthinkably long! Yet, it is your mom's and dad's job to use their best judgement in deciding when they are comfortable with your riding in a car with a young man whom you feel you love. Your mom and dad know something about this--they have a sense of the powerfulness of loving and sexual feelings and the way they can "sweep you off your feet," and my guess is that that is part of the reason they are reluctant to okay your riding in the car with this young man when you are 14. They are perhaps hoping that in another year you will have developed more maturity and self control and they can feel a little less skittish about your riding around with this young man. Maybe one way you can convince your parents that you are trying to behave responsibly and increase your maturity and self control is through reading some of the really good literature out there, like, "Totally Me!, The Teenage Girl's Survival Guide" or "My Body, My Self"--a book on love and relationships for teens. I'm a little confused by your statement that you are not allowed to date? You say they won't allow you to ride in the car with this young man, but to me that is not the same as forbidding seeing him at all. It may be unfair for your parents to decide what you can and cannot do, but there are no God-given rules about these things. When their teens ask them, the parents have to respond thoughtfully and respectfully with their best shot at what they THINK is in the teen's best interests, and that doesn't mean that the parent is right! Nobody knows who's "right" about these things. I'm wondering what you mean by, "She [your mother] also has created a sudden animosity toward my best friend." Do you mean that your mother has taken a disliking to your best friend, or that she has somehow made YOU dislike your friend? In either case, I agree that a parent needs to keep her or his opinions to herself/himself regarding a teen's friends, unless asked. It might help if you found some of the Q&A's on peer relations and print them out for your parents' review. I also agree that you need increasing freedom and should be making more and more of the decisions about the way you live your life. You may want to search on freedom,independence,limits to find relevant material on these topics, also for your parents' review. Finally, you my want to let your parents know of the site; they can send in their own question. Hope this helps a little. Jean. Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's
response to your question is |
are probably sick of all of them, but I was wondering if
you could help me with a problem of mine. I am 14 years old and
I am dating a 17 year old guy. (The age difference is not a problem.)
He's a great person and he has a very nice car. My problem is
that my mom will not let me go anywhere with him in his car.
Now, this may not sound like a large problem, but it is to me.
I've tried to convince my mom that he is a very safe driver,
but to no avail. She simply will not compromise with me. I can
get in the car with him in one year, but that is such a long
time. She says the time will fly by, but it hasn't been doing
so. I was wondering if you had any tips about negotiating with
my mom. Is there anything that I could tell her or show her to
make her let me go? I love this guy a lot, but she always seems
to be in my way. I wish she would just let me make some of my
own decisions in life. She also has created a sudden animosity
toward my best friend. How can I get her to let me have the friends
I want? I mean, it IS my life. I do not know of one girl in my
grade at school that is not allowed to date. It's simply not
fair. What should I do?