Dear Jean:

Hi Jean, I would like to know what age is appropriate to leave your children alone. I have a 13 1/2 yr old boy and an 11 year old girl. They would be home all summer and 2 hrs everyday after school. I just started working full time, and was wondering if I should still keep the 11 yr old in child care. Any help! Thanks so much, R

Jean responds:

Hi,

Thanks for writing to parentingadolescents.com.

The answer to your question I think depends on several factors, including the neighborhood or community you live in and the personalities and behavioral characteristics of your children. However, I would not recommend leaving most younger adolescents/pre-adolescents alone together for long periods of time, for sure, and I'm also inclined to believe that even the two hours' after-school time is too long for them to be alone together. Adolescence is such a dynamic time for kids and can be a phase during which they ae motivated to push the limits of behavior. Thirteen-year-olds are also notoriously difficult and 11-year-olds notoriously sensitive, so the "combo" may be pretty deadly.

I would not recommend leaving even the 13-year-old alone for long periods of time. The 13- -year-old may be okay by him/herself after school for two hours, depending on his/her temperament and behavioral characteristics: how lonely will she/he feel, and what is she/he likely to be doing during those two hours?

In my opinion, you need an after-school plan at least for the 11-year-old and summer plans for both kids, but don't forget to talk with your kids, also, about their own feelings, fears, and preferences with regard to where they spend their time while you are at work. Their preferences cannot be your sole concern in making a decision as to their care, but should definitely be heard and taken into account where possible. I would recommend that you try to be especially sensitive to any feelings they may be able to share with you, for instance, fears they may have about being alone or about being with each other. These need to be taken seriously and accommodated as much as possible.

If you're at a loss as to what may be possible in your area, consult with your childcare center, the schools, your religious institution, the YMCA/YWCA, and/or a family services agency or United Way organization in your community.

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

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